Tuesday, May 30, 2006
One of the things I was most looking forward to when it came to owning a home was being able to do whatever I wanted with it. I've painted a bedroom and the cellar (I'll post some before and after shots as soon as I find my camera) and patched some wall holes. But until now that has been it. Sure I've got some big plans- I want to put in a pond and redo my porch, and put in a glass shower door, and redo my attic, and so much else. One of the many projects I had planned was to refinsh the floors in my house. They are wood, and in both the living room and my bedroom they are the worse for wear. THe living room was patchy and looking like it had rugs down that wore off the finish, and the bedroom was all scratched up.
So, being that I had a 3 day weekend, I decided the hell with it and re-did my floors. And to answer your question, no I have never done it before. I went to Home Depot, rented the sander, got the sealer and poly, and lots of sandpaper for the sander.
Boy am I HURTING today. The floors look great, and I am REALLY happy I did it, but remind me next time I have some big idea to do a project like this- take two days to do the work, prepare your rooms before the day before, and find someone's house to crash at, not a couch in your kitchen!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
So obviously if you are reading this blog you know that I was diagnosed with MS. For those of you who don't understand MS, it's a REALLY scary disease. I never know where a lesion will form nor what (if anything) it will cause. I could loose my ability to walk or to use my hands, or to see. I am eligable for the drug trial, so I don't have to worry about the cost of medicine for a while. Having to actually inject myself is going to be a huge reality check, It's one thing to be told you have something, but to actually actively doing medical stuff about it makes it more real.
Anyway, reality hit yesterday when I went upstairs to visit a friend/coworker of mine who is sick. When she was 2 it was discovered that her arteries were weak and they have ALL been replaced with plastic grafts (she's got 16 of them). In fact, if you are studying nursing, she is probabley your text book case seeing as she has the most of anyone alive. Anyway, recently she had an overy removed for a cyst and it seems somehow she's gotton an infection. Usuually that's not a big deal, however, if the infection is on the graft, which is where the doctors think it is, they can't get rid of it with regular antibiotics. But they are going to try high powered stuff, directly injected through a shunt into her heart for 6 weeks. And then they pray her fever doesn't come back. If it does, the only option is surgery, and she may not survive that.
I was talking to her yesterday and when I said how calmly she was taking it all she said "You know how it is with what you have, you know you can't change it so you do everything you can do."
And it hit me. She could DIE from what she has, and she is trying to compare it to what I have. I feel so inadequate. There is no comparison, I won't die from MS. I won't suddenly have 6 weeks to live because of an infection. She's 22 years old and one of the strongest people I have ever met.
Monday, May 22, 2006
I personally think there is an unwritten honor code among Avon representatives. If you ask a friend or someone if they are intrested in Avon and they tell you that they have a representative then you leave well enough alone. It's rude to steal someone else's customer. Well there is one lady who has done just that. She's a friend of Shaz, one of the girls I work with, they know each other from Mosque. She came by- "hey I didn't know you worked here", She offered Avon, Shaz said "I buy from Jennie". She left catalouges anyway. How RUDE. Anyway, She's come by every two weeks, and seeing as she is 2 campaigns ahead of me a couple of my girls order from her. I think that's one of the nastiest things a rep can do- steal someone else's customers.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
It has been so long since Hurrican Katrina happened and months since I have been there. And yet the wound still feels so fresh and raw. I have made the mistake today of watching a special on Animal Planet about the rescue and renion of animals. I find myself sitting here cyring, still feeling the rush of grief and anger for all those people forced to leave their animals, all those animals who died unneccessarily, all those we have tried to help and failed, and even those we did help. The joy of renion, the desperation of those still searching. It's all so futile and there is so much more I wish I could do.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
I have never felt this tired in my entire life. I have also never felt this much pressure to perform. I really shouldn't be writing this blog entry, I should be working on the two papers I have due on Monday. One I feel that I can write a good paper, but I know I need to support it from the readings of the class and I am not sure I can do that- I haven't prepared enough. The professor was so nice and understanding when I asked for more time. After everything I was going through, trying to wrap my head around with what the doctor had told me, he was so willing to give me whatever I needed. He even came to me before class the next week to find out how I was feeling, make sure that I was ok, he said to email him if I need anything at all. He even offered an incomplete, which would give me the summer to write the paper, but I don't want to take a mile. There are some professors you meet in life that you just want to perform miracles for. He's challeging and stimulating, a lot like Monfasani is without all the challenging philiosophy reading (thank god!). I wish there was more of his classes inside my major.
The other paper is harder. It's professor Warner again. He means well, and is one of those professors you want to please, just because he is so nice. But he bores me to death in class. You'd think someone teaching Roman history would have such a fascinating topic and so much variety that you could never 'kill it'. Oh so wrong, every semester there are people that fall asleep in his class. I couldn't focus this semester and everything that's happening now is making it that much harder. While I know I am getting an A (so far except the last paper) in the previous class I mentioned, and probabley an A in Latin (unless I completley tanked the final), I am going to be lucky to get a B- in this class. My first two exams I got C+'s. I NEED to write the paper of my life to bring my grade up. But I just can't seem to focus at all. I feel like I learned nothing this semester in his class. *sigh*
And to top it all off, like I said I am exhausted. I was tired yesterday, couldn't focus, felt like I was in a fog. I had the party last night ($200 in free candles yay), and then J came over meaning we didn't go to sleep until 2am. I was awake at 6 to get him off to where he needed to go, and then slept until 10 when I had my Avon girls come over (1 more and I can finally make some more income), they left at 1.30 and by 2 I was passed out in bed again. I didn't wake until 6. And I still feel like I need to sleep. But I've only got 1/3 of the first page of the first paper written. And instead of concentrating I am writting this blog.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
I spoke to Lyndall this morning. What's it been 1 year? 2? Whatever, it's been forever since I've spoken on the phone with her. I miss ya chicky, you better be ready to have a good time when I come this year! :)
Monday, May 08, 2006
I can't believe how NASTY people can be. Last week was a rough week for me, I was definatly a bit self-centered and down. But I didn't slack at work, and while I did have a few moments where I had to walk away and get a bit of solitude or advice, or just to TALK to someone.
Now my two co-workers have been talking about me behind me back. Saying that I am trying to play the pity card. God, grow up. Yes I needed some adjustment, but that doesn't mean that you sitting there listening to hold music constitutes you working while I scramble with 5 telephone calls and you think I am ignoring the phone. It's just like freaking high school *groan*
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Well I had my visit with my Neuro this morning. He showed me my MRI scans. One of those lesions are HUGE. The one in my neck is fairly small, that's what is causing the legs "tingles".
The medicine they want to put me on is really expensive here, so I am going to try and get on the trial for it. I go in on the 17th for another MRI, EKG, Bloodwork and all that jazz to make sure I am otherwise healthy. We'll see what happens from there.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
I don't know how I should feel. Being diagnosed with MS is not the end of the world. Obviously. People are out there living it every day. My mum, my boss, people I don't know. There is a grim acceptance inside of me- ok I have MS, now what. But there is also a feeling of denial. I don't think I truely believe it yet. MS? Me?
I mean I've lived around this since I was in my teens, 14 or 15 when Mum was diagnosed. But it seems... unreal. Mum having it was one thing, but me? It freaks me out a bit. What is going to happen to me? Am I going to progress? AM I going to be stable?
It explains a lot of things that I was attributing to other possible problems. Like the numbness in my legs when I walked anywhere, I thought it was just the disk degeneration. The lower back spasms I get that floor me- are they truely back pain or is it MS?
I feel like I am spinning in circles, accepting, denying, fearing. *sigh*
Monday, May 01, 2006
You know how you dread something so much that when it actually happens it seems like a non-event? Well that's how my MRI went. It was smooth, the piece over my face was disconcerting, but not too bad. The dye was a piece of cake, and with the Valium I didn't even feel the prick much. Overall I walked out with the feeling that I was fine and there was nothing wrong with me and it was all in my head. They would find nothing and I will have known that the leg tingles is from my back injury.
I was wrong.
I was also really stupid. I looked at the prelim results before I talked to my doctor. Benefit of working in the hospital you have the test done at. Also a negative. They found plaques. Consistant with MS. OMG I am freaking out.
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