Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Last night was terrible. I sweated so much that my bed mattress is wet. I got hardly any sleep. Class tonight should be interesting. I think that I am going to have to take a nap between work and class. Honestly, it's going to take a LOT of willpower to keep taking this stuff when it makes me feel so cruddy.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Well the injections went fine today. It was very weird, and I did faint afterwards (lucky it was after I had taken the needle out of my leg). The bad news about being on a drug trial is not knowing which drug you are going to get. However when the drug has side effects, and you then get those side effects, you can be pretty sure at least one of the meds you are on is not a placebo.
God I hate feeling like this. Fever, chills, achy- yup I guess that means I am at least on the Avonex.
I hate needles. I'm sorry, I don't care HOW medically necessary they may or may not be, I hate them. Whenever I get blood drawn I always make sure I turn my head away, my whole body gets tense until after the needle is in. Well today is the day that I start the drug trial for the MS, which means that I will be giving myself an injection 8 times a week. Capaxone, which is everyday shouldn't be too bad, it's auto injector, so I just press a button and it does it's own thing. But the Avonex, which is once a week, I have to actually stick it in, make sure I haven't hit anything critical and press the plunger. So today and my pre-med blood draw I watched while she put in the needle to draw blood, I forced myself not to tense myself up. I honestly think it hurt worse when I watched.
I am really NOT looking forward to 12.
Monday, June 12, 2006
What I want to know is how much internal strength is someone meant to have? How much is too much? When do you tell people around you enough? Is there a time you can just shut down and let yourself recover from hit after hit?
Thursday, June 08, 2006
I feel guilty. Yes I did something that I am NOT proud of. Is talking about it here going to make it better? I don't know, will being honest about being decietful forgive my action, or will it just put an acceptable veneer of respectability on a bad act. About 7 or 8 months ago I bought a TV stand at Walmart. It wasn't that sturdy and with my huge TV it wasn't the best. Anyway, when I bought this house and moved my stuff, it basically broke at the screws when I tried to move it. I had it together here held with duct tape, and was very careful never to bump it (it was a potential house of cards.) When I redid my floors I took it apart and realized that the screwes were BENT and there was no way I was going to get it back together again. So I decided to go get another TV stand, take out the extra screws and then return it.
Thought they have the stand on display, the box is a different stand. Talking to a friend he said, hey, Walmart accepts anything, why don't you just return the old stand.
So I did. I have a brand new stand in my living room, and I returned the old broken one in it's box. I feel like I just cheated on an exam or something.
I am a BAD person.
|Questions? Comments? Like/hate my writing? Email me.|