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Friday, February 20, 2015
One week
She's been gone one week and I am still surprised when she is not waiting at the door for me when I get home and racing to the food bowl. I cried at the pet store today when I went to cancel our standing order of her prescription food. Spencer and Juliet both said today that they wanted her back, and then Juliet said if we ever got another kitty she was going to name it Baby Girl. But its less raw then it was. It still hurts of course, and I still find myself close to tears at time when I think about her out there in her box. And my tummy still clenches when I think of her climbing on my lap, and then being gone. Maybe it is still more raw than I thought.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Two
Spencer, running into the room at full speed "Need Drink Water!" I pour a glass, and then have to stand there like a demented status because he's too busy with the broom stick extender he found... and now he's found a ball and run off - while I stand here with a full glass of water. Two is NOT my favorite age...
Sunday, February 15, 2015
A few days on...
It's been a few days. There are moments when the pain is less raw and doesn't consume me. But it is the small moments. Folding a towel I used last week to dry her after her bath. The fact there was no poo on the floor when I cleaned the boxes. A thunderstorm and all I could think is of how she hated thunder.... the fact that I wrote hates instead of hated just then. Juliet is still sobbing herself to sleep at night, and Spencer declares that she's dead every morning when he goes to feed her.
I bought Juliet some books about grieving. I'm hoping they help her.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Goodby sweet girl
Sunday, January 11, 2015
I am AWESOME?
I feel like a fraud. I am currently writing job applications and the goal is to make yourself as incredibly awesome at all costs. Yet, I don't FEEL awesome. I know my research is important, and every time I present it I get an amazing buzz from the audience "This is so incredible" "What you are doing is so cutting edge" "Your research is so important in so many areas". And yet when it comes time to answering the 20+ selection criteria for jobs, I find myself struggling to justify just what it is about my research that generates that buzz. What is that makes this so thrilling to the audience? I have no idea... and yet it excites me to. I just hope that some institution sees the value in it with my attempts at justification...
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Long time
I am sure the long time between posts means no one reads this blog any more. I resurrected it from mothballs as I couldn't bare to let such a long history of my life disappear into the ether.
I have now submitted my PhD, and as a result the ends of my life are flapping... what next? As I wait for marks I apply for jobs in the hope my great teaching reviews will hook me something, but as with most postgrads I don't have enough publications to be competitive for a grant yet. And I'm not sure I want a grant- simply because I desperatly want to teach, not be fully research based.
Spencer and Juliet are both thriving, he's 2 1/2 and she is 6. We're all home for the holidays, which reminds me that while I love being them, I'm not meant to be home alone with them all the time. For now, I have a little boy that needs a back rub back to sleep.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
So....
I've just been reminded that its been FOREVER since I updated this blog. It has. Almost 2 whole years. Life has been both much of the same, and so changed all at the same time. I'm still working hard on my PhD, which I suppose why I rarely update here any more. There is only so much writing you can do overall I suppose. Juliet has grown in the last two years. She started Kindergarten (Pre-K for you Americans) this week and is loving it. She can almost write her own name, and is very proud. But most of all, she has become an AMAZING big sister. Thats right, since I updated this blog I have had a second child. I look back on all the updates from when I was pregnant with Juliet and am a bit saddened that I don't have that record the second time around. I suppose thats the trouble with finally joining facebook. So, with no further ado, here is a picture taken by Juliet, of me and my son Spencer.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Day at the beach
Thursday, January 27, 2011
It is about time
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Pretty pretty princesses.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I want my showers back.
Recently Juliet has decided that she wants to take showers with me. While I'm thrilled she wants to spend so much time in my company, I really really really want my showers all to myself again. It used to be that I would take a shower while she ate her breakfast. While this meant plonking her in front of some cartoons, I would get at least 7 mins of blissfully hot cleanness. I could even shave once in a while. I have since been forced into tepid warmness, while trying to keep us both warm. Compounding the issue is the fact that Juliet hates the shower head. I don't get why a child who HATES the spray of water from a shower head INSISTS that she must shower with me, in fact acts like it is the highlight of her day. So instead of getting clean, she stands shivering at the other end of the bathtub, while I shiver in tepid water. I have a removable shower head, so I've tried to teach her that the water is no big deal, by spraying her legs, and then giving her the head to spray my legs, and then trying to get her to spray herself. One top of all this lack of warmness and cleanliness, it also means that she has given up her bath at night. Who the heck wants to take a bath when they had a shower that morning? While I get her reasoning, I loved bath time as she wound down nicely ready for teeth brushing and bed. So we are cold, not clean enough, I'm sprouting trees on my legs (and i refuse to check my pits), and having trouble going to bed. I want my shower back!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Potty
Juliet has a new interest in the potty. Last week she was taking that toy caterpillar to the potty, today it was a doll. At home we have the little potty she can sit right on, but while we are out and about I have an insert that goes on a regular toilet. Recently, while we have been places where there is no toilet nearby, I've been putting the insert on the ground for her to sit on if she asks to go. It "lives" in the car so that we always have it when needed, but of course that means that EVERY time we get in the car (even if we were only out of it for 5 mins) she MUST sit on the potty. Today she found the lid of an old wipes container. She took it in the bathroom, and not sure what she was doing with it I investigated, only to find that she had opened the hole, put it on her potty, and sat on it to pee. Wipe Lid with small hole + potty + child = pee all over bathroom floor. Well, at least she took herself potty when she needed to go!
Monday, September 06, 2010
All packed....
Juliet thinks that we are all packed now.....
Oh child- if only it was that easy!
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Awww
Friday, September 03, 2010
Oh the MESS
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