Friday, August 21, 2009

Totally freaking out 

Yeah- I'm totally freaking right now.
For myself, for Juliet. For everyone around me that I made groan inwardly when I kept going back in spite of my better ideals.
Jon just called me. I've seen him in court a couple of times or course, and we've traded inanities- I've been trying to keep things civil, no reason to fight if he's paying what he's been ordered too- which he has. (Not that I am happy with the order- but he HAS been paying).
So he called. He wants to meet up with me to discuss money. See if we can come to any agreements. He also said that he'd like to meet her. I think the money part is the part that he's really thinking about. He got a bit sticker shocked in court the other day. And in the end, that's all she is to him right now. A check he has to write. She is my whole world, but that's because I know her and love her.
Every time I tried to lean the conversation to things about her, he got quiet, and then veered back to the whole coming to an agreement thing.
I'm nervous that I won't be able to do the right things for her. I love him still, in spite of everything, and I know he still has the ability to make me believe and trust in him. I KNOW better, and I just have to remember that. I have to remember that he didn't want her.
Juliet has a right to have a father, and to make her own mind up about the person he is, so he coming here Sunday. But I'll be honest, I don't really want him in our lives. It would be hard not to give in to things that I know I'll later regret (and I don't mean physical).

4 Comments:

I was reading your post on KM and linked over. I don't know much of your story, but hang in there mama. It's not always easy to do the right thing, but you know in your heart what you need to do!

By Blogger Corinne, at 11:30 PM  

A father is someone who takes responibility.
A father is someone that is there for thier child thru thick and thin.

A father is not a convient occupation that you can start and stop at anytime. It is a full time job.

He didnt want it in the first place ...so IMHO FUCK HIM

By Anonymous Glenn, at 12:02 AM  

He's just trying to sucker you out of having to pay thinking, "I'll woo her into thinking that I'm going to do the right thing then disappoint her and this baby I don't want again." Don't make any agreements to ease anyone else's financial burden. Like you said, Juliet is the priority here. Who paid for mostly everything until now? YOU!!! Please don't lose sight of that.

By Blogger Gerard, at 5:08 AM  

Jonathan is a compulsive lier who cares only about himself and his financial situation. Please do not let him ruin your life and Juliets life so he can save money on paying for what he considers a mistake. He is not worth it! Your sanity and Juliet's well being is worth too much!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:44 PM  

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