Monday, October 02, 2006

Yom Kippur 

Today was Yom Kippur. The Day of atonment. Every year I fast, not because it's Yom Kippur, but because I want to honor my granfather who starved for years. This year I felt angry. Angry at god for my life recently, and angry at myself for beingmad with someone who I am not sure even exists.
But today in temple, parts of the service touched me so deeply that I knew they were speaking for me. It was apologising for not loving enough, for not giving our children a chance, for not standing tall. It was granting forgiveness for those who have hurt us, and those we have hurt.
I cannot say that the pain is over, it's not. But today I feel a different grief, more calm, less desperate. I don't know if it will last or not. Only time will tell.


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