Monday, September 04, 2006


I made a mistake. A huge whopping can’t take it back mistake. I know the whole world reads this blog and I don’t care. Last week J called me, he wanted to see me. I invited him over. The long and short being that the way he was talking sounded like he missed what was between my sheets. So he arrived, I pull any number of strings to leave work early, and pulled him into my bed. Their was no weirdness in our touches, but there was in the air between us. I so badly just wanted to talk to him, talk about what had happened, the past. But I wanted him to miss me, and I thought my bed was the best way to do that. I didn't want to drive him away with my words.
And now, now he says to my family that he isn’t sure the child was his. Like it could have been anyone else’s. He says to me that he came because he wanted to talk, but now he just wants to move on. I killed the one chance I didn’t know I had. I had finally started getting over him, but the hope had bloomed in my chest when he called, and when I saw him. And now I am devastated all over again.


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