Thursday, August 03, 2006

Wasted Time 

As usual with a breakup I am hurting. The termination makes it that much harder. That was his child. And he isn't even supporting me through that. What is weird about this breakup versus all the others is that I am so confused by how I feel. A part of me is devestated- I do still love him after all- and I miss talking to him every night. I see things and I think of him (like that eagle shelf yesterday). 9pm is the worst, that is the time for the last 2 years that we have spoken on the phone. It's like a hard knot in my chest. Yet a part of me feels anger. I feel like I wasted the last 2 years on a false dream. A part of me still hopes for a future, while a part of me looks at how things has been and realises that he has some huge changes before we could work, and knowing he probabley won't make them.
I was preparing to abandon my cats (to a loving home of course!) and have his child, but I terminated for a change at a future, which he has since taken away. And I don't know how I feel.


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