Wednesday, October 12, 2005


I have never been so tired in my life. And it's not physicall tiredness, it's mental. I just want to run away from the whole world and be happy again. I was happy once I think.
Tonight is the inspection on my house. I should be excited. But I am not. Who do I have to share this with? There is no one holding my hand, no one smiling that big smile- this is my FIRST home. It's meant to be this great adventure. Instead everyone around me is pissed. My god WHY? Why is it that they must feel this way, and bring down what should be one of the most exciting times in my life?
The fleas are terrible. They are so thick, that I found them crawling all over the litter box last night. They didn't even care that I was scooping. Normally the hop off. Thank god the "kids" are on Advantage and are not getting bitten- I sure am though. The spiders too are out of control. I sweep the webs at night, and they are all back the next day. And I pay $500 for this crap- well I did until I refused to pay. And the landlord STILL hasn't responded. And the previous landlord still has not given us back our deposit money. So why in gods name would I ever want to rent again?
I have 2 exams on Monday. Rome and Monfasani. Neither of which I am looking forward too. I feel like time is slipping through my fingers.
You think you know someone all your life, and then they reveal a side of themselves that makes you realise just what they are capable of. Even Murder. It makes you wonder about yourself, you own failures, if things had been different- could you do that? I was once sure that the answer to that was no. The fact that someone I thought I knew showed his own capacity for such horrors, makes me wonder- could i??? surely not.
And things with J are not much better. Work has him on a crazy schedule, so I've barely talked to him in 2 weeks. I miss Maine more and more these days. The ease with which we lived. We went to work, we came home, we shopped, everything we. Now it's he and I and I miss the companionship. He's not happy about the house. The one person I thought would be excited for me, he seems almost like he could give a crap. *sigh* And I am not happy about the distance. But what can I do really? His job sends him on the road and I always said I'd stand by him. And I always have- but only when we are seeing a lot of each other. As soon as things start keeping him away- training, work, family- I start getting ansty. Am I THAT insecure? Do I need his attention 24/7? Or am I truely missing something from him. I just don't know any more.


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The Words of my bestest bud.
My Aunt's Blog

EDJ's Blog
The rabble of film reviews- cinemablend


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