Monday, August 23, 2004
Loss
It's been a very hard month for me. I was finally seeing the end of the tunnel, finanically looking better, getting along great with Jon, everything heading in the right direction.... then it all changed. First Stimp... my "first born", then on Friday I lost my job... or rather the contract ended and the job I had lined up fell through... then last night, my Grandfather died.
I feel cried out. I have yet to shed torrents of tears for Geju. A few here and there when I think of certain things, like his invitation to hear him speak of the holocaust in September, or his command of languages and always reciting the Lords Prayer in Latin whenever my Catholic boyfriend was around, or his sence of humor. But I have yet to break down and sob. I feel it like a tight knot in my stomache, needing to be realeased, but I can't. Maybe it's becuase of lifes pressures right now. Signing up for school, having to find a new job. Worrying about car registration and money.
Maybe it's because I learned from Stimp. Maybe that is why Stimp passed when he did. To teach me that life goes on. Death changes you, but life goes on anyway.
Still, inside I grieve. For the things I wanted and missed. I wanted to be married before he went, which is why Jon and I were rushing so fast to the wedding point. Maybe give him a great grandchild...... To be Bat Mitzvahed and take the Torah from his hands... to hear him speak of the things he survived.... These things that will now never happen.
As I sit here thinking of Michaels Bar Mitzvah, the last I attended, I am finally crying, knowing that I will never have the honor of taking the Torah from his hands, his oldest Grandchild....
I feel cried out. I have yet to shed torrents of tears for Geju. A few here and there when I think of certain things, like his invitation to hear him speak of the holocaust in September, or his command of languages and always reciting the Lords Prayer in Latin whenever my Catholic boyfriend was around, or his sence of humor. But I have yet to break down and sob. I feel it like a tight knot in my stomache, needing to be realeased, but I can't. Maybe it's becuase of lifes pressures right now. Signing up for school, having to find a new job. Worrying about car registration and money.
Maybe it's because I learned from Stimp. Maybe that is why Stimp passed when he did. To teach me that life goes on. Death changes you, but life goes on anyway.
Still, inside I grieve. For the things I wanted and missed. I wanted to be married before he went, which is why Jon and I were rushing so fast to the wedding point. Maybe give him a great grandchild...... To be Bat Mitzvahed and take the Torah from his hands... to hear him speak of the things he survived.... These things that will now never happen.
As I sit here thinking of Michaels Bar Mitzvah, the last I attended, I am finally crying, knowing that I will never have the honor of taking the Torah from his hands, his oldest Grandchild....
0 Comments:
Pages of
Note:
The Words
of my bestest bud.
My Aunt's Blog
EDJ's Blog
The rabble of film
reviews- cinemablend
Archives:
- 10/2003 - 11/2003 11/2003 - 12/2003 12/2003 - 01/2004 04/2004 - 05/2004 05/2004 - 06/2004 06/2004 - 07/2004 07/2004 - 08/2004 08/2004 - 09/2004 09/2004 - 10/2004 10/2004 - 11/2004 11/2004 - 12/2004 12/2004 - 01/2005 01/2005 - 02/2005 02/2005 - 03/2005 03/2005 - 04/2005 04/2005 - 05/2005 05/2005 - 06/2005 06/2005 - 07/2005 07/2005 - 08/2005 08/2005 - 09/2005 09/2005 - 10/2005 10/2005 - 11/2005 12/2005 - 01/2006 01/2006 - 02/2006 02/2006 - 03/2006 03/2006 - 04/2006 04/2006 - 05/2006 05/2006 - 06/2006 06/2006 - 07/2006 07/2006 - 08/2006 08/2006 - 09/2006 09/2006 - 10/2006 10/2006 - 11/2006 11/2006 - 12/2006 12/2006 - 01/2007 01/2007 - 02/2007 02/2007 - 03/2007 03/2007 - 04/2007 04/2007 - 05/2007 05/2007 - 06/2007 06/2007 - 07/2007 07/2007 - 08/2007 08/2007 - 09/2007 09/2007 - 10/2007 10/2007 - 11/2007 11/2007 - 12/2007 12/2007 - 01/2008 01/2008 - 02/2008 02/2008 - 03/2008 03/2008 - 04/2008 04/2008 - 05/2008 05/2008 - 06/2008 06/2008 - 07/2008 07/2008 - 08/2008 08/2008 - 09/2008 09/2008 - 10/2008 10/2008 - 11/2008 11/2008 - 12/2008 12/2008 - 01/2009 01/2009 - 02/2009 02/2009 - 03/2009 03/2009 - 04/2009 04/2009 - 05/2009 05/2009 - 06/2009 06/2009 - 07/2009 07/2009 - 08/2009 08/2009 - 09/2009 09/2009 - 10/2009 10/2009 - 11/2009 11/2009 - 12/2009 12/2009 - 01/2010 01/2010 - 02/2010 03/2010 - 04/2010 04/2010 - 05/2010 05/2010 - 06/2010 06/2010 - 07/2010 07/2010 - 08/2010 08/2010 - 09/2010 09/2010 - 10/2010 10/2010 - 11/2010 01/2011 - 02/2011 01/2013 - 02/2013 12/2014 - 01/2015 01/2015 - 02/2015 02/2015 - 03/2015
