Monday, May 24, 2004


Maybe it's because I don't know where I am headed in life, or maybe it's because I am ready to slow down, but recently I have lost all my motivation and I don't know why. Maybe the word recently is the wrong word to use. It's been happening for months. The last time I remember myself being really motivated was my last big semester at school (It was ending this time last year), and I guess I was a little motivated at the end of the year with work and everything, but I don't think I was.
These days, I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to do anything. I mean, there have been times since I moved in with Jon that I've been excited about stuff, planning out a new recipee I am trying out on him, or him wanting to go walk on the beach. But last Friday, he took me out for dinner, and then wanted to take me dancing... and we where there... on the street... and I still didn't have the motivation to go dance. WTF? I love to dance. It's like that every day. I go through the motions, I take each step, and then I start all over again. It's like I could care less about life right now.
Oh sure, I still have dreams, and I am still planning things, weddings, houses, children, degree... they are all still there burning inside of me, but I feel like the motivation to achieve them are gone.
I want to go back to school, but I don't know how I am going to be able to afford it, Is it even possible? Will I have to go to night school for the rest of my life? So part of me says "Whats the use".... and more and more these days I listen to that voice- even if I don't reall want too.


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